Here goes nothing..................................

WELL here goes nothing...

I am 5'4 and 343 pounds... Two weeks ago...356 pounds. It was time for an awakening. I cannot believe that I have let myself get this big. I have been using food as a crutch since I was a child...Was I always this big?...no but food has always been a comfort for me. Since my dad left when I was 9, my mother would cheer my brother and me up by taking us out to eat. I am definitely not blaming my mother, I just remember a lot of dinners and lunches out. I was always around 175-180 in high school and thought I was huge...then something happened I tried really hard and lost weight. I went down to 140-150 then I met a guy who now is my loving husband. I was around 150 when I met him and he was a big guy, I started eating out with him and eating bigger portions...I gained weight, 190 now...Then I got married. I had my first daughter and gained a total of 100 pounds with her and didn't lose it. I did diet after diet...dropping weight and gaining it back...then I lost two people very close to me and my food became an even bigger comfort. I recently had my son, I gained more weight with him and never lost it. SO now I am at 356. I became comfortable with not being able to do things because I was bigger...comfortable with seeing my picture and secretly gagging...comfortable with not being able to tie my shoes without sitting on the floor....being big became normal. I even made up jokes about my weight...thinking they won't judge me if they know I know I am big too. Then I went bowling with some friends...I thought I was dressed pretty cute (well mom cute) and had a great night taking pictures and having fun. I asked a friend to post some pictures she had taken from that night. She did and I saw it, My GUT. I guess you could say I finally became aware of my condition. After that things became a lot less normal... I realized that my emotional connection to food was crippling me and that I needed to make a change and STICK WITH IT. So it has been two weeks of eating healthy and exercising. I walk a mile every morning, Mon-Fri and Sat I do stomach exercises. Sunday, I rest. I have been drinking lots of water too. I am happy about the changes I am making...I just want to stick with it this time. My first Goal is to lose 25 pounds, I have lost 12 pounds so I have 13 pounds to go. My reward is a pedicure! :)

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I hope I will find people out there like me, that we can help each other Stick with this!